Thursday, January 13, 2005
ORDERING
Equalog Contract Negotiation Kit comes with three copies of the Equalog Contract plus two Guidelines, one for conflict resolution and the other describing optimum use of this kit. Single copy of Equalog Contract is $1.95. Negotiation kit (3 copies plus guidelines $4.95). Add $2.50 for postage and handling, whether single copy or kit. Total for Kit plus postage is $7.45.
You might be interested in Dr. Baute's latest book, Win-Win Finesse, The Art of Dealing Positively with Negative Feeling, which can also be ordered online. See web site www.winwinfinesse.com for reviews and more information.
Checks or money orders accepted. We do not accept credit cards or purchase orders. $30.00 for checks returned. Please allow 2-3 weeks for shipping and 3-6 weeks for Canada. This offer is subject to change without notice. KY residents add 6% sales tax.
For more on Dr. Paschal Baute's writings see www.paschalbaute.com
Mail order to
BAUTE PUBLICATIONS
4080 LOFGREN COURT
LEXINGTON, KY 40509-9520
Telephone (859) 293-5302
You might be interested in Dr. Baute's latest book, Win-Win Finesse, The Art of Dealing Positively with Negative Feeling, which can also be ordered online. See web site www.winwinfinesse.com for reviews and more information.
Checks or money orders accepted. We do not accept credit cards or purchase orders. $30.00 for checks returned. Please allow 2-3 weeks for shipping and 3-6 weeks for Canada. This offer is subject to change without notice. KY residents add 6% sales tax.
For more on Dr. Paschal Baute's writings see www.paschalbaute.com
Mail order to
BAUTE PUBLICATIONS
4080 LOFGREN COURT
LEXINGTON, KY 40509-9520
Telephone (859) 293-5302
# posted by Paschal Baute @ 10:22 AM 
Introduction: Purpose
Only in marrying, do adults sign a contract in which the terms are unwritten, limitations unspoken, and penalties unspecified. Grounds for termination are unexplained, unpredictable, and often unilateral. Since there are no specific criteria for performance, a breach of contract is undefined. Not even an act of God, e.g., disabling accident or illness, is regarded as an excuse for non-performance. Restitution is uncertain and usually requires detailing of the personal "faults" of the intimate partner, making him an adversary in a public courfof law. It is not surprising tha the move from marital to martial is sometimes an overnight leap. (1)
Each partner behaves as if the other knew and should live up to all his or her unrevealed assumptions and expectations, yet no means for the resolution of differences or conflict are clear or agreed upon. As both partners move through the various stages of life in the onward course of the marriage, each experiences different forces from within and from without. Whatever ground-rules have been established are subject to change without notice without discussion or consent. Few expectations are agreed upon except that the love feeling will somehow totally suffice: "Love means never having to say you're sorry." (2)
Divorce is occurring increasingly on demand, and the interest of the state in upholding legal marriage is declining. The law is becoming more reflective of the actual experience of marriage, and the satisfaction of two separate and distinct individuals is taking precedence over the preservation of a legal contract binding the couple as an abstract entity. Marriage is becoming more and more a social arrangement held together primarily by a bond of emotional satisfactions. Not wanting the hassle and heaviness of legal obligations, many are simply choosing to live together. We are expecting more than ever from our marriages, and yet our relationship-contracts are increasingl fragile. (3)
We live in a society in which change seems to be the primary constant. One small but significant clue is the nov typical omission of the promise "to obey" from many marriage ceremonies. More than the old forms of marriage an needed for the diverse and developing needs of individuals and couples if relationships are to endure and survive Since what people bring to marriage is more varied today than ever before, persons need to clarify what they intend and expect from each other, and they need new ways to re-evaluate outdated patterns that are no longer relevant.
Up to now, society and the law have favored stability, structure and security of the marriage contract in contrast to change, flexibility and freedom. Current requirements for both stability and change, structure and flexibility security and freedom can be embodied in a personally negotiated contract--agreement for cohabitation or marriage. (4) It is noteworthy that in the Hebrew tradition, marriage contracts, sometimes beautifully illustrated, drawn by the families of the couple, have a history of almost three thousand years. (5)
Design
EQUALOG (tm) CONTRACT I is designed to assist couples to clarify their relationships and to find, among these diverse needs, a balancing point which, for them is workable, creative, and responsive to each other. The name EQUALOG CONTRACT I expresses the basic theme - - that is, the agreement results from a discourse between equals who negotiate all roles and expectations (as compared to "dialog" which means merely an exchange of ideas).
This promptbook is designed with large margins to assist couples in editing to suit their own needs. It is suggested that three copies be secured, one for each partner and another upon which to register the final agreements. Although originally published in 1977 as Equalog Contract I, we have not found a need to revise or update it.
Each partner behaves as if the other knew and should live up to all his or her unrevealed assumptions and expectations, yet no means for the resolution of differences or conflict are clear or agreed upon. As both partners move through the various stages of life in the onward course of the marriage, each experiences different forces from within and from without. Whatever ground-rules have been established are subject to change without notice without discussion or consent. Few expectations are agreed upon except that the love feeling will somehow totally suffice: "Love means never having to say you're sorry." (2)
Divorce is occurring increasingly on demand, and the interest of the state in upholding legal marriage is declining. The law is becoming more reflective of the actual experience of marriage, and the satisfaction of two separate and distinct individuals is taking precedence over the preservation of a legal contract binding the couple as an abstract entity. Marriage is becoming more and more a social arrangement held together primarily by a bond of emotional satisfactions. Not wanting the hassle and heaviness of legal obligations, many are simply choosing to live together. We are expecting more than ever from our marriages, and yet our relationship-contracts are increasingl fragile. (3)
We live in a society in which change seems to be the primary constant. One small but significant clue is the nov typical omission of the promise "to obey" from many marriage ceremonies. More than the old forms of marriage an needed for the diverse and developing needs of individuals and couples if relationships are to endure and survive Since what people bring to marriage is more varied today than ever before, persons need to clarify what they intend and expect from each other, and they need new ways to re-evaluate outdated patterns that are no longer relevant.
Up to now, society and the law have favored stability, structure and security of the marriage contract in contrast to change, flexibility and freedom. Current requirements for both stability and change, structure and flexibility security and freedom can be embodied in a personally negotiated contract--agreement for cohabitation or marriage. (4) It is noteworthy that in the Hebrew tradition, marriage contracts, sometimes beautifully illustrated, drawn by the families of the couple, have a history of almost three thousand years. (5)
Design
EQUALOG (tm) CONTRACT I is designed to assist couples to clarify their relationships and to find, among these diverse needs, a balancing point which, for them is workable, creative, and responsive to each other. The name EQUALOG CONTRACT I expresses the basic theme - - that is, the agreement results from a discourse between equals who negotiate all roles and expectations (as compared to "dialog" which means merely an exchange of ideas).
This promptbook is designed with large margins to assist couples in editing to suit their own needs. It is suggested that three copies be secured, one for each partner and another upon which to register the final agreements. Although originally published in 1977 as Equalog Contract I, we have not found a need to revise or update it.
# posted by Paschal Baute @ 7:03 AM
